So many humans are really angry. There is this sense of hopelessness and fear drifting through society like a sinister cloud of thick gray fog. Hating and labeling large swaths of humans, male…white…female…Hispanic…Christian…Muslim…Vegan…Homeschooler…vaccinator…Patriot…Liberal…Black…healthy…sick. When our perspective becomes a tunnel, dark on all sides, driven by rage, hurt, fear and hopelessness, then there is no light at the end of it. What would if feel like to challenge our preconceived notions related to gender, class, religion, race, etc?
As our media continues to feed this dark obsession with hating “others”, the opportunity to experience relationship, connection and peace is a pipe dream. What has to shift to open the window a crack to actually seeing each and every human being individually and experience community and a sense of safety? Guess what…it is all on each of us individually. It is not about other people changing, it is about changing our own hearts. It is about living in this present moment, recognizing what is real right now and experiencing connection and safety, not watching for it on a screen.
Only when our own ability to perceive and view humans one at a time are we able to access empathy and hold space for each other. Not just people we know and trust, but the folks that we see on the street, in a restaurant or at the grocery store. The freedom of taking each moment as it is, right here and right now, tuning into intuition and seeing other humans without the fog of fear and hate is possible.
I am white, a woman, Generation X, a daughter, a horse owner, a single mom of two great kids, a Christian, a loyal American, a healer, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a best friend, a small business owner, a survivor of childhood trauma, a survivor of workplace sexual discrimination, a student, a friend, a lover, a survivor of narcissistic abuse and abandonment, a student of spiritual connection and wisdom, a lover of mountains, reading, hiking, fly fishing, dark chocolate and great food. I love to travel and plan on having adventures until the day I die. I love being outside, and feel trapped when I have to stay inside too long. I am loyal to a fault and have literally given people the shirt of off my back. I am thrifty and eat healthy, exercising regularly and recovering from a debilitating back injury that has completely changed my life.
Now as you read through the description above, which of those are you going to hate me for? White? Christian? Dog Owner? Fly fisherman? College graduate? How about which of those descriptions are you going to connect with me on? Horse owner? Mom? Small business owner? What a shame that we would miss connecting and creating a friendship over one of the many characteristics and descriptors that makes up me.
We must stop using a single descriptor to hate people. That is not only self-defeating, as literally no one is worthy of our trust, but also terribly damaging to relationships. It serves no one to blindly hate a group of humans based on a broad net thrown over a huge population based on one descriptor. It is ludicrous. I don’t know who I would be without my diverse group of friends and family. How amazing my life has been to learn and enjoy seeing life through their eyes! Judging someone by a single descriptor is dangerous, as we all have learned throughout history.
How sad and lonely we have all become, feeding off of the frenzy of adrenaline served up to us by a group of media owners, intent of dividing us all and then falsely providing “real” connection by rescuing us all. With what? Trust and connection in community with relationship is the only provider of peace and safety. And those are only found in this moment, where our nervous system can actually come online and discern whether we are safe or not. We cannot change the past, nor can we control the future. The only truth is right now.
Stop placing descriptors on people. Stop being so mad. Just stop. Only you can stop yourself from being angry. Look around at the devastation brought about by anger. Has it satisfied your soul to hate? At what point is enough enough? Simply put, you will never rest as long as you feed off of hate and fear and use it as some sort of weapon to justify your actions and become addicted to the simmering rage at the expense of relationships and connection. It is exhausting.
See everyone as a woven tapestry of life events, with some torn edges that have been hastily sewn back together, some velvet, some a swatch of burlap sack. Beautiful vibrant colors and gray patches. Some pieces sewn with twine and others with the finest thread money can buy. Find the beauty, stop searching for the one piece of fabric or thread to hate. As my grandfather told me over and over, being angry only damages your own heart, it does not impact the person that you are angry at.
Open up your heart and eyes each moment of each day to find something you have in common with your neighbors and friends. Stop looking for a reason to hate another human being, instead look for everything they may have been through and the fear and hopelessness they themselves have felt. Only when we are seeing others through the eyes of potential connection will we ever find a sense of peace and safety. Stop blanketing everyone with hate and instead notice the common threads you share. And in that space find rest, safety and peace each and every day.